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Why trying to 'Stop Thinking About It' makes it worse...

Fri, 17 Apr 2026 14:47:23 GMT

If you've ever tried to push an unwanted thought out of your mind - really tried, with everything you had - you'll already know how this goes....

The harder you try to stop thinking about it, the louder it gets. It's exhausting, it doesn't work, and then you start to wonder whether something is seriously wrong with you for not being able to do what feels like the simplest possible thing.

It isn't simple. And there's nothing wrong with you. What's happening has a very clear explanation - and once you understand it, the way you relate to those thoughts can start to shift.

HOW PEOPLE DESCRIBE IT - IN THEIR OWN WORDS

"It feels like constant noise, like a radio playing inside my brain that I can't turn off or change the station on."

"Like a hamster wheel I can't get off. Or running on a track but there's no way to get off."

"It feels as though I have two brains - one part of me is telling me not to engage and another is telling me I need to figure this out."

"A thought or image just won't leave me. I know it's irrational and means nothing but I can't let myself forget it."

"Like playing whack-a-mole with my own mind. I push the thoughts aside and then they pop back up."

These descriptions came from real people - people who are exhausted by their own minds, trying everything they can think of to get some peace. And every single strategy they're using is, without them knowing it, keeping the loop going.

The white bear problem

In 1987, a psychologist called Daniel Wegner ran a study. He asked people to spend five minutes thinking about anything they liked - except a white bear. If a white bear came to mind, they had to ring a bell. On average, participants rang the bell more than six times a minute.

Then he asked them to do the opposite - to actively think about a white bear. The people who had just spent time suppressing the thought couldn't stop thinking about it. The suppression had made it stickier, not less present.

Trying not to think about something doesn't make the thought go away. It turns the thought into exactly the kind of threat your brain feels it needs to monitor.

This is what's known as the rebound effect - and it's not a personal failing. It's how suppression works on everyone. The more you try to push a thought away, the more mental energy gets directed toward it. Your brain registers "this is something I need to keep track of" and does exactly that.

Why OCD makes this so much harder

For most people, an unwanted thought pops up and then fades. It doesn't feel urgent. The brain files it as noise and moves on.

But when OCD is part of the picture, something different happens. The brain attaches meaning to the thought - this thought feels important, this thought needs resolving, this thought says something about me or about what might happen. And that meaning is what triggers the compulsion to do something about it.

That "something" might look obvious from the outside - a physical ritual, a check. But very often it's invisible. It happens entirely in the mind.

MENTAL COMPULSIONS - THE HIDDEN LOOP

Mental compulsions are the responses to obsessive thoughts that happen inside your head rather than in observable behaviour. They include things like:

Mentally reviewing a conversation to check you didn't say something offensive.

Seeking reassurance from friends or family - and then needing it again when the relief fades.

Googling symptoms or scenarios to get certainty.

Replaying a worry from every angle, trying to "figure it out."

Repeating certain phrases or arguments in your head to neutralise a feared outcome.

These feel like thinking. They feel like problem-solving. They're not - they're compulsions, and they work exactly the same way as any other OCD compulsion. Brief relief, then the thought comes back louder.

This is one of the reasons mental compulsions are so hard to recognise and so hard to stop. They masquerade as reasonable responses. "Of course I'm going over this - it matters." And the brain genuinely believes that. One of the core positive beliefs in OCD is that the rumination is keeping you safe, helping you prepare, preventing something bad from happening. It feels responsible, not compulsive.

The real reason the loop won't stop

Here's what's actually happening when you try to think your way through an OCD thought. Each time you engage with the thought - even to argue against it, even to reassure yourself it isn't true - you send your brain the message that this thought was worth paying attention to. Worth responding to. Worth the effort.

And your brain, doing exactly what it's supposed to do, files that information away. Next time the thought appears, it arrives with even more urgency, because the last time you clearly treated it as important.

This is the OCD cycle: obsession triggers anxiety, anxiety drives the compulsion, the compulsion brings temporary relief, and the relief reinforces the loop. The thought comes back. Each time you respond to it, you strengthen the pathway.

THE KEY INSIGHT

The problem isn't the thought. The problem is the response to the thought. You can't think your way out of OCD, no matter how intelligent you are or how hard you try - because thinking is the compulsion.

Trying to stop the thought - suppressing it, pushing it away, arguing with it, searching for proof that it isn't true - all of it counts as engaging. All of it feeds the loop. It isn't that you're doing it wrong. It's that the instinct to do something about the thought is exactly what keeps it stuck.

What actually helps instead

This is where most people hit a wall. Because if engaging with the thought makes it worse, and suppressing the thought makes it worse, what on earth are you supposed to do?

The answer is harder to grasp than it sounds, but it's also genuinely learnable: you change your relationship with the thought, rather than trying to change the thought itself.

This isn't about mindfulness in the general sense of the word - it's a specific skill that can be built deliberately. Learning to notice a thought without automatically responding to it. Letting it be present without treating it as urgent. Not because you don't care, but because you're choosing not to give it the signal that it matters.

In practice, this is exactly what ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) looks like when it's applied to mental compulsions. Response prevention means choosing not to engage with the mental compulsion - not the thought itself. Exposure means letting the uncertainty of not resolving it sit there, long enough for your nervous system to learn that it can tolerate that feeling without catastrophe following.

Over time, the thought loses its urgency. Not because it stops appearing, but because your brain stops treating it as a threat that requires immediate action.

If you've been stuck in this for a long time

It's worth saying clearly: if this is where you are, and you've spent months or years trying to think your way through these thoughts, that's not evidence that you're beyond help or that this approach won't work for you. It's evidence that you've been working incredibly hard without the right framework. That's the thing that's been missing - not the effort, and certainly not the capacity to recover.

Many people I've worked with describe spending years genuinely not realising that what they were doing was a compulsion. The idea that reviewing a conversation or googling a symptom could be maintaining OCD in the same way as a physical ritual - that's not intuitive. It's not something most of us are ever taught. You weren't doing it wrong. You just hadn't been given the right information yet.

Understanding why the loop works the way it does is only the first step. The real shift comes from learning to respond differently, building the skills that make that possible, and doing that gradually and consistently over time. That's what recovery from OCD and mental compulsions actually looks like - not the absence of difficult thoughts, but a different relationship with them.

If you're ready to start building that, you don't have to do it alone.

READY TO BREAK THE LOOP?

Break the Loop is my self-study course for people stuck in rumination and mental compulsions - built around the skills that actually work.

It opens on the 29th May and people on the waitlist will get the lowest price & early access

Join the waitlist here

Mental Compulsions - The hidden side of OCD nobody talks about

Wed, 08 Apr 2026 11:30:02 GMT

Mental compulsions

You've googled the thought. Replayed the conversation. Asked your partner for reassurance - again. Mentally rehearsed every possible outcome of a decision you haven't even made yet.

None of this looks like a compulsion. But it is. And understanding that one thing can change everything.

What is a mental compulsion?

A compulsion is any action - mental or physical - that someone performs to reduce the anxiety triggered by an intrusive thought. The purpose is relief. And it works, briefly, which is exactly why it's so hard to stop.

Physical compulsions are the ones most people recognise: checking, counting, repeating actions. Mental compulsions are harder to spot because they happen invisibly, inside your head. They can look a lot like thinking. They can feel a lot like thinking. But the key difference is this: they're driven by the need to neutralise anxiety, not to actually solve a problem.

Common mental compulsions - do any of these sound familiar?

- Ruminating - going over the same thought or worry again and again, looking for a resolution that never quite comes

- Mentally reviewing conversations to check you didn't say something wrong or hurtful

- Seeking reassurance from others - and needing to hear it more than once because the doubt keeps returning

- Repeating prayers, phrases or mantras internally to prevent something bad happening

- Mentally arguing with an intrusive thought to prove it isn't true

- Pre-solving imagined future scenarios to feel prepared for every possible outcome

- Googling symptoms, forums or reassurance - and ending up more anxious than before

If several of these feel familiar, you're not alone. These patterns are incredibly common - and they're consistently misread as overthinking, anxiety, or just "being a worrier."

Why mental compulsions keep the loop going

Here's the part that often gets missed: the compulsion is the problem. Not the thought.

Every time you engage with an intrusive thought - analyse it, argue with it, seek reassurance about it - your brain learns that the thought was worth responding to. It was significant enough to act on. And so next time, it sends the thought louder and more urgently.

The anxiety that follows an intrusive thought is uncomfortable but temporary. The compulsion cuts the anxiety short - which feels like relief, but actually prevents your brain from learning that the thought was never dangerous in the first place.

This is why people describe the experience as a loop. Going round and round. Getting temporary relief, then finding themselves right back where they started - often within minutes.

Why they're so hard to spot

Mental compulsions are hard to identify for a few reasons.

They feel like problem-solving. Rumination, in particular, disguises itself as productive thinking. The brain presents it as necessary - "I need to figure this out" or "I'll feel better once I've resolved it." The fact that resolution never actually comes doesn't stop the brain from trying.

They happen really quickly. Most mental compulsions start before you've even consciously registered the intrusive thought. By the time you notice what's happening, you're already deep in the loop.

Nobody ever told you they were compulsions. Without that knowledge, there's no reason to question them. They just feel like how your mind works.

What actually helps

The evidence-based treatment for mental compulsions is Exposure and Response Prevention - ERP. Despite its clinical-sounding name, it doesn't involve anything extreme. For mental compulsions, response prevention simply means choosing not to engage with the compulsion when the urge shows up.

Not suppressing the thought. Not pushing it away. Just not following it into the loop.

This is harder than it sounds - especially when the anxiety feels urgent and the thought feels real. But with the right tools and the right approach, it is absolutely learnable. And over time, something shifts: the thoughts lose their power, not because they disappear, but because you stop treating them as threats that need resolving.

You were never taught this. But you can learn it now.

Break the Loop is my self-study course for people stuck in mental compulsions and rumination. It covers exactly what mental compulsions are, why they keep the loop going, and - most importantly - how to respond differently.

Built on 20 years of clinical experience and my unique RESUME Method, it's designed for people who are ready to stop managing the loop and start breaking it.

Launching Spring 2026. Join the waitlist for an exclusive discount and early access.

OCD That Doesn't Look Like OCD

Fri, 13 Mar 2026 11:50:39 GMT

The invisible side of OCD

When most people picture OCD, they picture someone checking the door is locked. Turning off the hob. Washing their hands until they're red raw.

But what if your OCD doesn't look like that at all? What if it lives entirely inside your head - and has done for so long that you just assumed it was normal? That you were just an anxious person, a worrier, someone who thinks too much?

You wouldn't be the first person to sit in my therapy room and say: "I didn't realise I had OCD. I just thought this was me."

Why OCD is so often missed

OCD has a serious image problem. The version most people are familiar with - the one that gets referenced in TV shows and casual conversation - is the visible, physical kind. The stereotypical OCD.

But OCD exists on a wide spectrum, and for many people the compulsions are entirely mental. No visible rituals. No behaviours other people would notice. Just a relentless internal world of loops, doubt, reassurance-seeking, and anxiety that never quite settles.

This is sometimes called "Pure O" (purely obsessional) - though that's a misleading label, because the compulsions are absolutely there. They're just happening inside your head, where nobody else can see them. Including, sometimes, you.

What it actually looks like

Here are some of the signs that often get missed - or misread as something else entirely:

- You replay conversations on the way home, combing through what you said in case you accidentally offended someone

- You seek reassurance from friends or a partner - and feel better for about five minutes before the doubt comes back

- You avoid making decisions in case you choose "wrong" - even small ones

- You have intrusive, unwanted thoughts that feel completely at odds with who you are - and you spend enormous energy trying to neutralise or 'understand' them

- You repeat certain phrases or mantras in your head, "just in case" not doing so means something bad happens

- You scroll through forums, Instagram posts, and self-help articles trying to find the answer - and feel more confused afterwards

None of these look like the OCD people picture. But all of them are compulsions - mental responses to anxiety that bring brief relief, and keep the cycle going.

The cost of not knowing

When OCD goes unrecognised, people don't get the right support. And without the right support, the loop just gets louder.

Many people spend years - sometimes decades - in therapy that doesn't quite fit. Not because therapy doesn't work, but because the approach wasn't designed for OCD. Standard CBT and talk therapy can actually make things worse if it involves analysing the content of intrusive thoughts, rather than the relationship you have with them.

I hear this a lot: "I've tried therapy before and it didn't work." And what I want to say is - it may not just have been the wrong therapy for you. It may have been the wrong therapy for OCD.

Why shame keeps people stuck

One of the most common barriers to getting support isn't cost, or access, or not knowing where to start - though all of those are real. It's shame.

The content of OCD thoughts is often deeply distressing and deeply taboo. Thoughts about harming the people you love most. Thoughts that feel completely incompatible with your values. Thoughts so frightening that you've never said them out loud to anyone.

Here's what's important to understand: the presence of an intrusive thought tells you nothing about who you are or what you want. OCD specifically targets the things you care about most. The distress you feel about these thoughts is actually evidence of your values - not a threat to them.

So how do you know if it's OCD?

A formal diagnosis from a qualified professional is often the route people take. But there are some questions worth sitting with:

- Do you have unwanted, intrusive thoughts that feel impossible to dismiss - even when you know, rationally, that they don't make sense?

- Do you spend significant time and energy trying to neutralise, resolve, or get certainty about those thoughts?

- Does the relief from reassurance or rumination last only a short time before the doubt returns?

- Is this pattern affecting your ability to be present, make decisions, or enjoy your life?

If you're nodding along, please know: you're not weird, you're not dangerous, and you're not beyond help. You may just not have had the right treatment yet.

The right map changes everything

Break the Loop is my self-study course designed specifically for people stuck in the kind of OCD that doesn't look like OCD - the mental loops, the invisible compulsions, the exhausting internal world that nobody else can see.

Built on 20 years of clinical experience and my unique RESUME Method, it gives you the tools to stop engaging with the loop - and start living the life that's been on hold.

Launching Spring 2026.

Join the waitlist here for the lowest price & early access when the doors open

What Is Rumination - And Why Is It So Hard To Stop?

Thu, 12 Mar 2026 15:37:43 GMT

If your brain feels like a hamster wheel you can't get off - or a radio stuck on one channel you can't turn down - this post is for you.

What rumination actually is

Rumination is going over the same thought, worry, or memory again and again - not because it's useful, but because your brain has convinced itself that more thinking will eventually bring relief, answers, or certainty.

It won't. And deep down, you probably already know that. The cruel irony is that the more you try to think your way out of the loop, the more stuck you become.

Rumination vs problem-solving

Problem-solving moves you forward - it reaches a conclusion and then stops.

Rumination keeps you circling. You arrive at an answer, but within minutes the doubt creeps back and the loop starts again - because certainty is the goal, and certainty is rarely available.

What are mental compulsions?

Most people associate OCD with physical compulsions - checking locks, washing hands. But for many people, the compulsions happen entirely inside their head. Rumination is one of the most common.

Other mental compulsions that often get mistaken for normal thinking:

- Mentally reviewing a conversation to check you didn't say something wrong

- Repeating reassuring phrases in your head "just in case"

- Seeking reassurance from others - but never quite believing it

- ‘Pre-empting’ every possible future scenario

If any of these sound familiar, it doesn't mean you're broken. It means you've developed strategies to cope with uncomfortable feelings, and nobody has shown you a different way.

Why it feels impossible to stop

Rumination persists because it works - at least temporarily. Every time you engage with the loop, your brain gets a small hit of relief. Not much, but enough to keep the pattern going.

Many people also hold unconscious beliefs that rumination is helpful - "if I stop thinking about it, something bad will happen" or "I need to figure this out before I can move on." These beliefs keep you locked in. Not because you're not trying hard enough, but because no one has ever challenged them.

What actually helps

Not stopping the thoughts - that's the counterintuitive part. Trying to suppress intrusive thoughts makes them louder. What works is learning to change your relationship with them - not engaging, not fighting, just allowing them to be there without following them into the loop.

This is called non-engagement, and it's at the heart of Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) - the evidence-based treatment for OCD and rumination. It takes practice, and it feels uncomfortable at first. But it's genuinely learnable.

Ready to break the loop?

Break the Loop is my self-study course for people stuck in rumination and mental compulsions. Built on 20 years of clinical experience and my unique RESUME Method, it will walk you through exactly how to respond differently - at your own pace, in your own time.

Join the waitlist here for early access & the lowest price

Why I’m Going to Need You to Not Trust Your Gut When Treating OCD

Wed, 27 Aug 2025 16:41:09 GMT

Yep, that’s right. I’m going to need you not to trust your gut.

And I know that probably sounds like the worst advice ever.

Especially if you’re used to hearing things like:

“Go with your gut.”

“If it feels wrong, it probably is.”

“Just trust yourself. You’ll know what to do.”

But if you’re living with OCD, your gut has probably been acting as a red herring for years…….

Here’s why that’s a problem.

When You Live With OCD, Your Gut Is Always Going Off

(……….like a smoke alarm going off when you boil the kettle)

It tells you that something’s wrong even when it’s not.

It floods you with panic the second a thought feels strange or uncomfortable.

It convinces you into checking, researching, confessing, ruminating, avoiding.

You feel like you’re doing the responsible thing by listening to it.

But what’s actually happening is this: you’re responding to discomfort, not danger.

And that’s a HUGE win for the OCD.

That Feeling of “Something’s Off”? OCD’s Favourite Trick

You’ll know that dread, sick feeling in your stomach that you interpret as –

“What if this means something?”

“What if I never get to the bottom of it?”

“What if I regret this forever?”

That’s not wisdom. That’s OCD trying to drag you back into a loop.

It tells you that if you just figure it out, you’ll feel better.

And maybe you do, briefly.

But then the next thought comes. And the next.

And suddenly you’re back to square one, exhausted and doubting yourself all over again.

Getting Better Often Means Doing What Feels Wrong

Here’s where recovery can feel completely counterintuitive.

You get a scary thought, and everything in your body screams at you to fix it.

But instead of fixing, you pause.

Instead of answering the thought, you let it be.

Instead of waiting for things to feel right, you choose to move forward anyway.

And yes, that feels wrong. At first, it feels completely irresponsible.

But it’s not. It’s the exact kind of healthy, uncomfortable step that rewires the OCD cycle.

So If You Can’t Trust Your Gut, What Can You Trust?

You can trust your values.

You can trust your long-term goals over your short-term feelings.

You can trust that uncertainty is not the enemy.

You can trust that this thought doesn’t need to be resolved right now, or maybe ever.

Just because a thought lands in your head doesn’t mean it needs your full attention.

Just because something feels urgent doesn’t mean it is.

Final Thoughts

If part of you is thinking

“But what if this one is different?”

“Isn’t ignoring a thought dangerous?”

That’s OCD too. Always trying to sneak in the back door.

Learning not to trust your gut when it’s been hijacked by OCD isn’t easy.

But it’s possible. And it’s one of the biggest turning points in recovery.

If this is something you’re struggling with, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

This is exactly the work I do with the people I support in therapy.

We work together on untangling thought from fact, urgency from importance, and fear from truth.

If this post resonated with you, feel free to share it with someone else who needs to hear it too.

Jess X

When Does Overthinking Become a Compulsion?

Thu, 14 Aug 2025 16:38:29 GMT

We all overthink sometimes. Replaying a conversation, second-guessing a decision, going over something again and again in your mind. That’s part and parcel of being a human.

But if you’re stuck in a mental loop that feels impossible to step out of, it might be more than just overthinking. It might actually be a compulsion.

So how do you know the difference?

Let’s think about when overthinking starts to cross that line, and why it matters.

What even is a mental compulsion?

When people think of OCD, they usually imagine physical rituals like handwashing or checking doors. But not all compulsions are things you can see.

Many people with OCD also do their compulsions in their heads. These are called mental compulsions, and they’re really common, especially in people who struggle with constant rumination.

A mental compulsion is anything your brain does to try and:

feel certain
get relief from anxiety
“solve” a thought that feels threatening or uncomfortable

If you’re constantly thinking about something because you’re trying to feel better, feel certain, or feel safe, there’s a good chance it’s a compulsion.

So when does overthinking become a compulsion?

Here are some signs to watch out for:

1. You’re not overthinking because you want to, it feels like you have to

You don’t feel like you’re choosing to think about it. You feel compelled to go over it, again and again, even when you’re desperate to let it go.

2. You’re looking for certainty or reassurance

You’re not just thinking for the sake of reflection. You’re trying to figure something out, solve a “what if,” or prove to yourself that something bad didn’t happen. This is especially common in OCD, and it keeps the anxiety cycle going.

3. The thinking doesn’t bring relief, or only brings relief for a moment

You go over it a hundred times. You get a bit of reassurance. Then five minutes later, you’re back in the spiral. That’s a classic compulsive loop.

4. It feels urgent, exhausting, and never finished

You’re constantly trying to find the right answer. You need to feel sure. You can’t move on until your brain gives you a sense of certainty, but that moment never really comes.

Why is this important?

Because if you’re trying to manage overthinking by thinking more, and it’s actually a compulsion, you’re going to feel more stuck, not less.

The more you engage with the thoughts, the louder they get.

The more you try to solve them, the more powerful they feel.

And the more relief you chase, the less peace you actually get.

This is why compulsive overthinking is so exhausting. You’re on a mental hamster wheel and calling it problem-solving, but your not actually moving forward.

What can you do instead?

If this sounds like you, the key isn’t to think harder or better or longer. It’s to stop feeding the loop.

That might look like:

Not answering the “what if” questions your brain throws at you
Letting uncertainty hang around without rushing to fix it
Learning to spot the difference between helpful reflection and compulsive rumination
Practicing self-compassion, even when your thoughts feel intense

And no, you don’t have to figure that all out on your own.

This is exactly what I help people with in therapy.

We work together to understand how OCD and anxiety show up in your mind, and how to respond in a way that actually gives you back your peace.

Looking for an OCD therapist in the UK?

I specialise in helping people who are stuck in rumination and mental compulsions, especially when the outside world can’t see what’s going on inside. If you’re tired of overthinking everything and ready for a new way forward, I’d love to help. Get in touch for a free consultation

Jess X

Why “just stop thinking about it” never actually works (and what to do instead)

Thu, 07 Aug 2025 16:35:19 GMT

If you’ve ever been told to just stop thinking about it, I suspect it left you feeling one of two ways:

�� Frustrated – If I could stop, don’t you think I would have by now?

�� Or a bit ashamed – Why can’t I do what seems so easy for everyone else?

If that’s you, you’re not alone. So many of the people I work with feel stuck in these endless spirals of overthinking, and advice like this just makes it worse.

So the million dollar question – why does it feels so hard to just stop thinking about something, even when you really want to??

1. Your brain thinks the overthinking is helpful

This is a big one. When something’s bothering you, your brain thinks it’s doing you a favour by going over it again and again. It’s trying to protect you. Trying to find the answer. Trying to make sure you never feel this way again.

So even if you’re completely exhausted by the whole thing, your brain’s like, “Hang on, let’s just go over that one more time. Just in case.”

It’s not being mean. It genuinely thinks it’s helping you.

2. You’re trying to get rid of a feeling

Maybe you feel guilty. Or unsure. Or you’re terrified you missed something important.

And your brain jumps in with, “OK, let’s solve this. Let’s go over every detail until we feel better.”

But here’s the problem. Going over it doesn’t usually bring relief, it just keeps you stuck in the same loop, trying to escape a feeling that doesn’t want to be pushed away like that.

3. It’s become a habit

Sometimes people say, “It’s like my brain just starts thinking about it without me even realising.” And honestly? That’s exactly what happens.

If you’ve been overthinking for years, it becomes a mental reflex. The second you feel uncertain or uncomfortable, your brain starts doing the thing it’s always done.

It’s not your fault. It’s just a pattern that’s had a lot of practice (and is completely possible to unlearn)

4. Letting go feels irresponsible

This one comes up all the time. You might think, “If I stop thinking about it, I’ll forget something important. Or I won’t learn my lesson. Or I’ll be letting myself off the hook.”

It might feel like you should keep thinking about it, because that proves you care.

But letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care. It just means you’re not going to keep dragging yourself through the same mental torture over and over again.

So no “just stop thinking about it” isn’t helpful advice. It skips right over all the reasons your brain feels like it has to keep going.

The real work is learning how to respond differently when that thought loop kicks off. It’s about showing your brain a new way of handling all that worry and uncertainty.

And yes, that’s possible, even if your mind’s been doing this for as long as you can remember.

This is the exact kind of thing I help people with every day.

I’m an online and Bristol based CBT therapist specialising in treating obsessive overthinking, OCD and anxiety – if any of this resonated and you’re ready to try something different, I’d love to help.

Jess X

The Hidden OCD Symptom No One Talks About (But You’re Probably Doing It)

Sat, 19 Jul 2025 15:37:29 GMT

When most people think of OCD, they picture hand washing, neat rows of shoes lined up or someone checking the oven over and over again.

But OCD doesn’t always look like that. In fact, one of the most common symptoms of OCD is also one of the most misunderstood.

It’s called mental rumination. And if you’re stuck in a loop of overthinking, trying to figure out what your thoughts “mean” or trying to feel certain before you make a decision, there’s a good chance you’re doing it too.

So, what exactly is rumination?

Rumination is the act of going over a thought again and again in your mind.

It can look like:

Trying to figure out if you really meant something
Replaying a past conversation to check if you said the “wrong” thing
Running through every possible outcome of a future decision
Asking yourself: “What if this thought means something bad about me?”

To the outside world, you look calm. You might even be getting through the day, ticking things off your to-do list. But inside, your mind is working overtime trying to make sense of a thought or get to the bottom of a feeling that just won’t go.

Why is this part of OCD?

OCD is all about doubt, discomfort and the desperate need for certainty.

You get a thought that feels sticky or scary, and your brain says: “Better figure this out. Better be sure.” That’s where the rumination starts. And because it feels mental rather than physical, it often gets missed.

But here’s the key thing:

Rumination is a compulsion.

Just like checking or asking for reassurance, it’s something you do to try and feel safe or certain.

It’s just happening in your head.

“But I’m just trying to solve a problem… right?”

I hear this all the time. And I get it. It really feels like you’re being responsible. Like if you could just land on the right answer or the perfect bit of information, you’d feel better.

But with OCD, there isn’t a right answer.

That’s why you never get the relief you’re chasing. That’s why you end up circling the same thought for hours or days or even weeks.

The real goal of rumination is to get rid of discomfort. But ironically, the more you do it the more it just adds to it.

How do I stop ruminating?

Here’s the tricky bit: the more you try to stop thinking about something, the louder it gets.

So instead of trying to push the thought away or find the answer, try this:

Notice when you’re ruminating. Catch yourself in the loop.
Label it. “This is me ruminating. This is my brain trying to get certainty.”
Gently redirect. You don’t need to argue with the thought or ‘figure it out’. You just need to shift your attention back to the present moment.

It’s not easy. And it takes practice. But it is possible to learn how to step away from the mental rabbit holes and start living your life again.

You’re not broken. You’re just stuck in a cycle.

If you’ve been ruminating for years, it makes total sense. You’ve probably never been told it’s a compulsion. You might have thought it was just you being thorough, careful or kind.

But once you understand what’s happening, you can start to take your power back.

And if you need help with that? That’s exactly what I help people do every day.

Want support breaking free from rumination and OCD?

I work with people online across the UK to help them stop trying to “figure it all out” and start trusting themselves again.

This is possible for you too.

How Do I Know If This Thought Is OCD or Real?

Sat, 05 Jul 2025 15:37:24 GMT

This question comes up all the time in therapy with me. You’re going about your day, minding your own business, when a thought lands in your head. And It feels intense. It feels urgent. It feels important. And suddenly you’re wondering…..

Is this an OCD thought? Or is this real?

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of the people I work with ask the same thing, especially if they’ve spent years feeling like they have to respond to every thought that pops into their head, just in case it means something important.

Let’s talk about why this question shows up so often, and why it’s actually part of the OCD cycle.

Why OCD Makes You Question What’s Real

One of the sneakiest things about OCD is how convincing it can be. It doesn’t announce itself as OCD, it hides behind a tone that sounds just like your own voice.

OCD doesn’t give you obviously irrational, strange thoughts. It gives you thoughts that feel plausible.

Thoughts that go against your values.

Thoughts that are egodystonic.

Thoughts that lead you to question “What if this actually means something?” or “What if I’m ignoring something serious?”

So when you ask yourself, “How do I know if this thought is OCD (and therefore insignificant) or real?” what you’re really saying is, “I don’t trust my ability to let this go. I need to know for sure that I can move on with my day without answering/figuring it out”……

And that’s what OCD thrives on – the demand for 100% certainty.

But What If This Time This Thought Is Real?

This is the trap. OCD will always try to convince you that this time it’s not OCD. That this time it’s a real issue that you need to figure out RIGHT NOW. It will tell you things like:

“If you don’t think about this, you’re being irresponsible.”
“You need to be sure before you move on.”
“If you don’t think about this you’ll feel awful forever”

Does this sound familiar?

The truth is, even if a thought is based on something real (like a decision you have to make in the future or something you said to someone the day before), OCD latches onto it and magnifies it. It makes it feel like there’s only one right answer, and if you don’t find it that answer right now, something terrible might happen, or you’ll feel this uncomfortable forever.

The OCD Red Flag To Look Out For: Urgency and Desperation

One way to spot an OCD thought is to notice how it feels. OCD thoughts often come with:

A sense of urgency
A need to figure it out immediately
The feeling that you can’t move on until you’ve solved it
Endless mental reviewing or analysing

Real-life problems rarely feel like this. When something genuinely needs our attention, we can usually take time to reflect and come to a decision without feeling like the answer needs to be found right now.

So How Do You know

Here’s the uncomfortable truth. You often can’t know with 100% certainty whether it’s an OCD thought or a real life important thought.

And that’s the work.

Learning to live with uncertainty is part of recovery. Not because your thoughts don’t matter, but because your wellbeing and your external world around you does.

The goal isn’t to figure out if a thought is “OCD or real.”

The goal is to change how you respond to the thought. Instead of getting caught in the trap of trying to solve or reassure yourself, you learn to notice the urge to figure it out and gently say, “I see you, but I’m not going there today.”

What You Can Do Instead

If this question is taking up a lot of your headspace, here are some gentle things to try:

Notice when you’re trying to solve a thought and label it as a mental compulsion
Give yourself permission not to have an answer right now and metaphorically ‘put it down’
Remind yourself that discomfort isn’t danger – it’s just uncomfortable
Practice pausing and refocussing your attention back on what matters in your day

It’s not about ignoring your thoughts or pretending they’re not there. It’s about making space for uncertainty without letting it run your life.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If you’re stuck in the loop of needing to know if your thoughts are OCD or real, and it’s exhausting you, therapy can help. I work with people who’ve spent years trying to figure everything out, who feel like they can’t rest until they’re sure.

Together, we can help you respond differently. Not by finding the “right” answer, but by breaking the cycle that’s keeping you stuck.

If that feels what you might need you need, reach out to discuss working together. I offer online CBT and ERP therapy in Bristol and further afield meaning you don’t need to be in Bristol to work with me.

Jess X

Why Do I Keep Obsessing Over My Thoughts?

Thu, 26 Jun 2025 15:22:14 GMT

If your brain constantly feels like it’s on overdrive, looping the same worries, questions or what ifs, you’re not alone.

A lot of the people I work with come to therapy saying things like:

“I just want to turn my mind off.”

“I can’t stop thinking about this one thing.”

“I know it doesn’t make sense, but the thought won’t go away.”

Whether it’s anxiety, OCD, or just a long-standing habit of overthinking everything, getting stuck in your head can be exhausting. So why does it happen? And what can you actually do about it?

First of all, nothing is wrong with you

Let’s start here. If you’re obsessing over your thoughts, it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

Your brain is trying to protect you. It’s scanning for danger, looking for certainty, and doing its best to make sure you don’t miss anything important.

But instead of helping you feel safe, all this thinking just leaves you feeling drained and stuck.

Why does my brain latch on to certain thoughts?

When you live with anxiety or OCD, your brain treats certain thoughts like emergencies.

A random thought pops up and your mind immediately goes, “Hang on, what does that mean? I need to figure this out.”

So you start thinking. And thinking. And Googling. Maybe asking other people what they think. And sure, you might feel a tiny bit better for a few minutes, but the thought always comes back.

That’s because every time you respond to the thought, your brain takes that as a sign it was important. So it sends it again.

And just like that, you’re stuck in a loop.

Thought. Worry. Reassure. Repeat.

Some common thoughts that tend to stick

I hear a lot of these in my work:

What if I made the wrong decision?
Did I offend them and not realise?
Why did I think that—is something wrong with me?
Am I a bad person for thinking that?
What if I never get clarity about this?

These thoughts are hard to ignore because they usually tap into something you care deeply about.

But going over them again and again doesn’t bring clarity. It just creates more noise.

I know what you’re thinking…

“But I have to think this through, don’t I?”

And I get it. If your brain is telling you there’s a problem, of course you want to fix it. That’s normal.

But here’s the hard truth. Overthinking doesn’t fix things. It just creates more questions and more anxiety.

The real shift happens when you learn how to let thoughts come without jumping in to solve them.

So what can actually help?

If you’re stuck in this cycle, the goal isn’t to get rid of the thoughts. You can’t control what pops up in your mind.

But you can change how you respond. That’s where therapy comes in.

In my work as a therapist supporting people with OCD and anxiety here in Bristol and online, I help people learn how to:

Notice thoughts without getting dragged into them
Sit with not knowing instead of chasing certainty
Step out of the mental loop and back into the real world

This isn’t about positive thinking or pretending everything is fine. It’s about learning new ways to deal with your mind so it doesn’t run the show.

You’re not the only one

Obsessive thoughts can feel really isolating. Like everyone else is breezing through life while you’re stuck in your own head 24/7.

I promise you, you’re not the only one. So many people are carrying this silent mental load and wondering why they can’t just “let it go.”

If that’s you, I want you to know there’s nothing wrong with you—and there is help.

Want to find a way out of the loop?

If you’re ready to stop obsessing over your thoughts and start feeling more grounded again, I’d love to help.

I offer therapy in Bristol and online across the UK, working with people who are tired of overthinking everything and want a calmer, clearer mind.

Get in touch to book a free consultation to start your first step towards getting out of your head and back into life.